What is the secret to the meaning of life?
~ It is simply to give your life meaning…

I depart today for the states with so many conflicting emotions.

Friends half jokingly warned me about bonding with one of the children here and returning with a fourth child. Well, I didn’t get too attached to one child.  Instead I feel I’m bringing dozens home in my heart. But here they stay and so I feel a gnawing emptiness leaving them behind. With the help of CCF and their sponsors, many children I worked with will be well cared for through college. After that their prospects are limited. Those not under the care of an NGO such as Cambodian Children’s Fund continue to beg for food and sleep in the streets.

So I am filled with a longing to do more and will continue to look for opportunities that can provide better futures for these very special, resilient young people.

This journey has taught me many lessons:

~ I’ve learned what it feels like to experience the fulfillment of having a dream come true. I have wanted to volunteer in a developing country since I was fifteen years old. I made a plan and set the goal. Don’t pass up the opportunity to give your dreams wings. It makes your soul soar far beyond anything you have ever experienced.

~ We all can enjoy being with ourselves and shouldn’t be afraid to venture out on our own.

~ Being lost and alone is okay, unnerving, but okay.

~ Toddlers on motor scooters are much better behaved than kids in car seats. I think it’s a matter of “survival of the sittest.”

~ It is possible to fit 5 people plus 800 chickens on a moped.

~ People can laugh in the midst of the direst of living conditions.

~ You don’t eat the leg of a scorpion – just the “stuff” inside. I did not find out for myself – that photo was as close as I got to the spider.

~ Speaking of spiders; you can improve your “spidey” senses. This is necessary to avoid holes in the road, wrecked pathways, oncoming vehicles, pickpockets, gnarly dogs, chickens, trash and random ickies.

~ There are LOTS of people who truly dedicate their lives to helping others.

~ Every day in this world there are mothers who have to make “Sophie’s Choice” type decisions regarding their children, finding it necessary to sacrifice the wellbeing of one for the benefit of the rest.

~ We are very insulated from true heartbreak.

~ When asked about their futures, Khmer people will say their goal is to be able to provide rice for their families. That’s usually the most they can hope for. Unfortunately, a large portion of them will not succeed in this simple aspiration.

~ Khmer is actually pronounced Ka-my’

~ You can break a lot of language barriers using sign language.

~ My son and his girlfriend make great travel companions.

~ You can sit on a bus for 9 hours next to a vomiting child and NOT catch the virus.

~ Happy pizza makes you not so happy.

~ The most disgusting public restrooms will actually NOT kill you.

~ American safety precautions are over the top. Either that or we are far wimpier than we think.

~ The standard of living for Americans in poverty is at a level that the majority of the Cambodian population, and most other developing countries, would consider a dream come true.

~ People can travel, three on a moped with an IV drip rigged up for one passenger, in the rain, in the dark and still smile.

~ Khmer kids are WAY hardier than our kids.

~ Monkeys are awesome – well I already knew that but it bears repeating. And again, monkeys are awesome!

~ Children are the most resilient of all humans and will find joy where they are. No matter where that is.

…and finally

~ We all know that home isn’t a place but it is wherever you find your loved ones. I learned that home is even more than that. For me, home is where I am needed. Truly, significantly needed. And in this culturally different, faraway land I have found my second home and it is here in Phnom Penh where I leave part of myself.

It gave me great comfort to know that there were people at home sharing my adventure with me.  Thank you all for checking in here and a special thank you for those who emailed me along the way.
Some people have asked me how to sponsor a child with Cambodian Children’s Fund. Please let me know if you want to become involved. I promise you it’ll be one of the most satisfying investments you’ll ever make!

Leah Hai

Angkor Wat

The 4 hour mini-bus trip to Siem Reap (that actually took 6 hours) was treacherous, long, smelly and awful.  The only thing that made me feel better was that I wasn't jammed in the back 8 seats with the other 16 people.  I went later than Kyle and Herrie because, well, we ate at Happy Herb Pizza the day before which became an event in and of itself.  More of a story to tell in person;)  Suffice it to say that we lost a day but they rallied first and took an earlier long, smelly and awful bus ride.  Fortunately, Siem Reap is really a very colorful pretty town.  Here's a picture of the restaurant area.  Lots of happy tourists and lots to eat, drink and buy.

Pictures of our day...

If you are interested in the jungle sounds here's a short video clip I made.  This is where Lara Croft: Tomb Raider was filmed.

Just to keep it real I need to describe the trip back.  Kyle was pretty insistent we take a big bus so we paid all of $6 each for the "six hour" coach ride back.  Well it was the local which meant we had to make many stops for people, big bundles of rice, coconuts and various other loads.  I am truly disappointed no chickens were running down the aisle.  Of course they would have had a challenge because the aisle was jam packed with people sitting on little plastic stools.  Between Kyle and me was a family squeezed onto these little chairs with two sick children.  The poor kids sat and alternated between sleeping and vomiting.  And in case you think I'm exaggerating…

I really did feel badly of the little boy but we were also concerned that we'd get whatever he was violently ill with.  Since we are leaving in a couple of days we especially don't want to come down with some toxic virus.  Oh - and this 6 hour ride…9 hours and 15 minutes.  So yes - Angkor Wat is incredible.  But next time I think I'd fly there, or take a boat, anything but a bus!  Interesting feeling I had returning to Phnom Penh.  Definitely not pretty like Siem Reap or as tourist friendly but today, walking around town, I felt like I was back home.  And while arriving home is always a great feeling, here, it feels like a great accomplishment as well.

Be it ever so humble ~ 

This woman had the most infections laugh...

Prepping frogs.

These chickens were being processed and sold.  Right here -
can't get much fresher.  And I'm still a vegetarian.

~ There's no place like home ~

"There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Since my kids have arrived we've had a number of interesting conversations about US versus third world poverty and what is the accurate definition of the term.  What we do agree on is everything is relative so, it is understandable that many people in the states believe we need to continue to increase the aid to the truly needy in America.  But when we huge numbers of children sleeping in the streets and the many people with severe disabilities begging for food it is hard to compare the two levels of despair.  Where to concentrate efforts and resources are a big topic of discussion for us.

I have found that I was able to block out a lot of the poverty around me because I had a job to do.  Now that I know I'm leaving in a few days it is really hitting me hard.  As a result, I am going through dollars like water.  A couple of days ago we were at a coffee shop and two little girls were begging at the entrance.  I bought them each a milkshake
and gave them a few dollars.  Kyle took their picture with a polaroid camera he brought.  Judging by their reaction when they sipped the milkshake, they had never tasted anything that cold before. They had also never seen a picture of themselves.   Hard to believe.  They left with big smiles on their faces.  Such a small gesture but it still leaves me so sad.  I keep thinking of that story about the starfish.

Starfish Poem (Anon adaptation of L Eiseley's "The Star Thrower", from Usenet)

"One summer day I went out walking along Ten Mile Beach
Where hundreds of starfish were stranded beyond tide's reach
As I strolled along the sands a kindly lady passed by me
Throwing stranded struggling starfish back into the briny sea.
I asked "Why do you do this when you can only save
Those few lucky starfish you throw back into the waves,
Why do you even bother, since most of them will die?
Does it really matter that much?" I asked and she replied:
"I cannot save all the starfish, many of them die, I know,
With so many more miles of sandy seashore still to go,
But for every single starfish saved from the killing sun
I think 'it matters, yes it matters. It matters to this one'"

Later that sunny day I went for a long stroll beside
A great rushing river, cold, turbulent and wide,
And there I saw some people wading frantically about
Trying to pull dozens of drowning kittens out.
"Why do you do that?" I asked them, "Why do you even try?
You can save one or two, but most are washed on by?
I know that it matters to each kitten that you save
That it doesn't get washed out into the ocean's killing waves!"
And then as I watched them trying, I saw another way
That all those other struggling kittens could certainly be saved:
"Why don't some of you people go further on upstream
And stop uncaring people from throwing the kittens in?" 

I thought of Starfish lady and those starfish washed ashore
She was doing all she could, but other times you can do more,
Sometimes, you see, you have the wisdom to know just where and when
You can find a better way to make a greater difference."

So the big question is - how to do more.

We had a great meeting with the U.S. Ambassador a few days ago.  He was very generous with his time and shared a lot of the challenges the people of Cambodia are faced with.  There are limited opportunities and the average income is only $1,000 per year.  The amount needed to survive is about $1,400.  This sets up for some horrendous living situations.  Kyle and Herrie were able to take a walking tour with me through the district where I've been teaching which depicts these conditions.  Worse than anything you could imagine.

We've spent quite a bit of time brainstorming what my next steps could be here.    One thing is almost certain…there will be a part two.

This little guy was with his parents who had the trash wagon behind him.  They put him in front of me so he could
have his picture taken.  No clothes but the parents were so proud of him and all smiles.  My heart continues to
break a little with each similar encounter...

A Big Day of Firsts

Thursday was a big, big day.  We took our newly sponsored students shopping.  We went through a local, hellishly hot, market with the kids, 15, 16 and 17 and their translator.  Bought them jeans, shirts, belts, shoes, watches and backpacks.  They had NEVER had anything new before.  We then took them to the supermarket so they could buy some fun food to share with their friends.  Never been in one before.  They wandered through the aisles slack jawed.  Chhana asked if she could buy shampoo.  I had some money left from a friend's contribution.  So told them to go crazy.  Liz Wilson - They were over the top purchasing soap, shampoo, deodorant and toothpaste.  Thanks to you.  Chhana was literally hugging her shampoo bottle.

We traveled back to school in an open truck and they went through the bags like it was Christmas.  The boys kept checking the time on their new watches and Chhana kept squealing looking at her few t-shirts.  Their enthusiasm was palpable.    Rather than feeling like it was a rewarding experience I found it to be profoundly overwhelming in a way that is difficult to describe.  Part of it was thinking of all the kids that didn't have this shopping opportunity.  And knowing that these three will be returning and the others will see what they missed.




Mostly though, I thought of the Christmas mornings when my kids had a lukewarm response to some expensive gift and wonder which is worse.  Children who are giddy with glee over getting a few market items or our kids who are so jaded by "stuff" that nothing is very special.  

Well we couldn't make a big difference for many but we did for these few.  Channa bought and English/Khmer book and told the translator she was going to work hard to learn English so she could write to us.  Mom and Dad - you will NOT be disappointed in your decision to participate in these kids' lives!




After this excursion we took one of my classes to dinner.  It was a class of 8, which quickly became a class of 12 when dinner out was offered!  For many it was their first time in a restaurant.  We were entertained by their orders…ice cream first, then milkshakes and finally dinner.  Hard to fathom not knowing how to order off a menu…

I am going to miss them all so much….

"To eat, or not to eat.  That is the question."

Appetizer before dinner.  Herrie talks about all the unusual things she's
willing to eat.  Scorpions?  I asked the waiter what they taste like.
You though he was going to say chicken right?  Nope.  Evidently
 they taste like crickets.  Who knew?

The many faces of Herrie trying to get up the nerve to taste them.

 

 

 They proved too much of a challenge.  How's this for a photo op!

Yup - tastes like crickets - I guess.  After this pic we donated our appetizer to another
table so they could recoil in disgust and take pictures.  We did watch one man eat one…
mmm-mmm

Much happier with a drink from the Raffles Hotel!

Street Shots

These are the equivalent to our mausoleums.  

I just finished my last class and it is too difficult right now to put into words the last two days.  I fear that if I try this well of emotions that is throbbing in my heart will just burst right through.   Since I am sitting in my coffee shop it would look very odd if I were to be huddled over my computer sobbing away…

And so…  I will wait a day and instead post some photos from a walk I took last Sunday.  First stop was a stroll through this tranquil pagoda.

Monk laundry hanging to dry.

Found the plastic redemption center.  Not
very big for all the collection going on around here.

Bamboo bicycles - cool!

Barber shop al fresco.